Progressives = Communists

I went to a Christmas party with the wife over the weekend, and I met a new liberal friend. He went nuts on me when I called him a Communist. After cooling down a bit, he asked me why I thought he was a Communist. Was it just because I called all "progressives" communist, or was there some other reason.
I was surprised... It is a rare thing that you get a progressive to ask the simple question "Why?" so this was a big deal to me. I asked him if he knew what Communism was. He said that it was a form of government where the state owns all property. I gave him full marks for knowing that, but I then persisted. I have, unlike most liberals, conservatives, and other, actually read Marx's book.

Karl Marks wrote the The Communist Manifesto in 1848. In it he stated the 10 things that the Communists stand for. So I asked my new friend these simple 10 questions:

1. Do you believe in free education for all people, provided by the Government?
   
   • Yes, he said. Education should be free.
     
     • Marx: Free education for all children in public schools.
2. Do you believe that the FCC should reenact the "Fairness Doctrine" keep radio and television balanced? Or do you believe that "Hate" speech should be banned outright?
   
   • Absolutely, he said. Hate speech has no place in our society, and what goes across the airwaves should be fair and balanced for both points of view.
     
     • Marx: Centralization of the means of communications and transportation in the hands of the State.
3. Do you think the Fed should have more control over the US banking?
   
   • This is a stupid question, he said. Everyone knows the Fed should have more control to help stabilize the Economy, so that we don't have the bubbles burst and the market crash.
     
     • Marx: Centralization of credit in the hands of the state, by means of a national bank with State capital and an exclusive monopoly
4. Should there be an inheritance tax?
   
   • Sure, the rich can afford to pay that tax, and most people won't be affected by it anyway, said my friend.
     
     • Marx: Abolition of all rights of inheritance.
5. Do you believe in a graduated income tax over a flat tax or The FairTax?
   
   • Don't get me started on income tax, exclaimed my friend, millionaires and billionaires can afford to pay more, so they should!
     
     • Marx: A heavy progressive or graduated income tax
6. Do you agree with the Kelo decision of the Supreme Court?
   
   • The one that said the government has the right to condemn property and then let others build on that land to get better tax revenue? Yes, that was a good decision.
     
     • Marx: Abolition of private property and the application of all rents of land to public purposes
7. Do you think that all workers should be unionized?
   
   • Yes! Said my friend enthusiastically, All barriers to unionization need to be removed. The Card Check legislation is the first step to this and needs to be passed as soon as possible.
     
     • Marx: Equal liability of all to labor. Establishment of industrial armies, especially for agriculture.
8. Should there be heavier oversight of large corporate farms? More restrictions on what they can produce?
   
   • Yes. Large corporate farms are evil and need more FDA oversight, and be able to unionize.
     
     • Marx: Combination of agriculture with manufacturing industries, gradual abolition of the distinction between town and country, by a more equitable distribution of population over the country.
9. Should the EPA be given more power to confiscate property to extend the Superfund?
   
   • Yes. The EPA needs to be given much more power to clean up places that factories have ruined, for the betterment of everyone.
     
     • Marx: Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the state, the bringing into cultivation of waste lands, and the improvement of the soil generally in accordance with a common plan
10. Do you believe that the government has a right to take from the rich and give to the poor in the form of government assistance? Welfare and food stamps for instance?
    
    • In the interest of human compassion, Yes, said my friend.
      
      • Marx: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need

After answering these questions, I stated that he agreed with nine of the 10 planks of the Communist party, and wholeheartedly endorsed their slogan. After a bit of stunned silence, my friend said that he does believe in private property and the right of free speech, and that Communists do not believe it those things. However, I pointed out, you just said that you agreed with the Kelo decision, and that the Fairness Doctrine should be started up again. These things are free or they are not, there is no grey area.
At this point my wife yanked me away from the conversation.

The moral of this story? Don't invite me to Christmas parties.
Cool beard, brah!