It Finally Came!!

January 14, 2009 I, George W. Bush, President of these United States of the Americas, pursuant to that pardon power thingy conferred upon me by Article II, Section 2, of that Constitution I keep hearing people go on about, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto Natto Ninja — or as I like to call him, Umber Butt — for the crime of getting caught for domestic spying. The aforementioned — not to mention the beforementioned — shall not be subject to any punishment for this crime, including a small fine, tar and feathering or waterboarding. Well, maybe a little bit of waterboarding, but just for fun, ya know? Heh heh. Being The Decider in Chief, I have hereby used my Decidering powers to declare that Natto Ninja is a faithful devotee of liberal, amoral atheism and is, as such, a technically decent but godless citizen of this great nation. To punish this person would really anger Vice President Cheney. In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand today, on January 14, in the year of our Lord 2009 — which I totally cannot believe is actually here, and I still haven't gotten my hovercraft — and of the Independence of the United States of America. God bless, George W. Bush